Tuesday, January 5, 2016

My dear independent Indian woman

I am privileged to have met, befriended, and worked with some of the most kickass women in India. These women stand up as idols just by virtue of their strength and personality. I am not talking about women CEOs, astronauts or leaders. They are great no doubt. I am talking about your average Joe's. Women who have their shit together and do it all with grace.

I often wonder when I look up to these women, if I can ever be that person - The do it all so flawlessly. It must have taken so much grit, practice and time to be where they are.

So where are they? Are they happy where they are? I cannot imagine how they have a successful career, marriage, kids, extended family, personal interests and a life. Is it possible or is it just an unicorn?

Fortunately or unfortunately, when you grow up in India, you develop certain notions. A certain understanding of a gender specific role. There is a seismic shift in the role of a woman in today's world. A lot more things on her plate and a lot less sharing with her male counterpart. 

In essence all I see in overworked women who are so grounded in India values but have eyes on global ambition. This is not wrong, if that is what makes you happy. Then again, here is my question - is the new definition of a modern Indian woman making her happier?

I generally feel stuck between what I want to do and what is expected of me. No prizes for guessing which way I tilt. I see the same happening with all my lovely women.

There is an age to study, an age to work, an age to marry and an age to give birth. Miss any one deadline, your life will get analysed by every psycho on this planet. Is that fair? Is there only one way to live? Should the formula just not be "Do what you want, as long as you are true." It would be a lot easier.

I see all these successful women who carry a mountain of serious issues. Most of them with no time or space to realise and resolve it. 

I know I might be generalising here. I know that someone out there is happy with the way things are, cheers to you. But in my view, solution to a wall in not another one with a bigger diameter.

All that I want to say in my round-about rant is, do not typecast yourself. You can be really afraid and brave at the same time. You can be independent and sharing love/space. Don't waste your precious time on definitions and perspectives. Do not live up to the independent modern woman label. As it is just another stereotype. You are beyond that. You deserve more than that. Just be you! The perfect, true YOU!

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Do you have darkness in you?

What is the secret to success? Most people would say - hard work, perseverance and so on. All those things are good and necessary. But what gives that mad drive. Why do they stay up working for their dream while others rest?

The answer to that burning question is deep and sad darkness. Every successful person is like a phoenix. They come out of the ashes. There is a place in their heart for a deep dark experience they had. Something like highly critical parents, being dirt poor while growing up, sudden illness...

People often forget that sadness is just negative energy. Some brood over things and retain the negative energy. Others just turn around, give it a hard look and change that energy into something beautiful.

During the darkest moments in my life I felt a heavy presence. It was suffocating me, just watching me experience grief with a smirk. As I slowly grow out of it, I can feel this lightness, total power and supernatural powers.

I might be bad at explaining this but my idea holds water. Greatness comes out of great pain/misery. If you are happy all your life, there is nothing much to change. If there is great sadness, and you have the courage to channel it - becomes recipe for greatness. Sometimes greatness is subtle like a kick ass chole. Not all greatness should be worth millions. I can promise this: all acts of greatness makes life more worth while. Cheers to darkness!

Sunday, May 31, 2015

I have a secret...

I have a secret. It eats me away each day. It to heavy for my little soul. I have to part it by. Here it is: I want to run away.

There you have it. I do really want to run away. I should warn you that I am not trapped in a deep dark space. I have a loving family, shiny job and a kick ass husband. So why do I want to run away from the perfect picture?

The answer to that question needs some introspection into man's fickle mind. Yes you heard me right: F-I-C-K-L-E. We tend to lose the novelty of things/experiences really soon. With the age of countless choices ADD is a way of life.

Drawing back to why I want to run away. When all that you have done and continue to bore you. You need a challenge - total first world problem. Please give me a minute before you judge.

I was diagnosed with a chronic kidney condition 2 years ago. I took a lot of time to overcome the grief. Beyond the pain I had two key take always: I understand pain better, and I know I am not here for ever. The day I die I need no regrets. Just a log full of memories and key moments.

Total boredom and understanding that life is too short for tomorrow lead me to understand what I need to do. My gut screams and begs me to travel. To stop making PPTs and excel sheets. To just sit in front of a pizza place in Florence and absorb the surroundings. To walk in the forests of Thailand.

I wish I could just quit and go away. Just poof and disappear to enjoy all that this world has for me. Life is short, live a little! 

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Day 3: Let it go!

Day 3 of meditation was about letting things go: Anger/sadness/frustration. No point in carrying around stuff you don't need. No point stuffing it inside your closet. Just experience it and let it go. Feel it ache in you, hurting you. Feel all the pain, collect all the bad thought. Do not let it out for 15 minutes and understand what it does to you.

I tried holding in sadness for 10 minutes. It was racing my heart and tightening my tummy. I let it do what it is supposed to do: hurt me. I stopped when I felt I have collated all my pain.

Then I lied down and let the tension out. I could sense my heart returning to normal. There was an ease in my existence. All this is 5 minutes of wishful deliberate thinking.

I am happy. I am just packing post war veterans and returning them. No use for prisons and hold backs. Just letting all signs of the war go. That was a war where I lost time and won wisdom. Learning to let go, learning to love.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

My Secret 21 days Experiment: Day 1 and 2

I have always loved Osho just for his thought. How can a man think like that? Different for sure, yet so right, so insightful. Of all my recent decisions, a really cool one was to take a 21 day online course on meditation by Osho. Here is the scoop from day 1 and2:

  • Love the calming music
  • Love it that it is short and sweet
  • The first day exercise given to us was about awareness. It actually worked. I was aware of what I was eating and I stopped stuffing my body with food. I am aware of what I am typing and hence lesser typos. I can feel the texture of the keyboard
  • I have never heard Osho's voice. Honestly I imagined it stronger and bolder. The man in my head sounded so. I am getting used to his odd diction and pronunciation
  • The second day was about love and relationships
  • I loved the distinction between love and relationships
  • There is a human urge to cut down chances of change and hence the need to settle down
  • Fear of unknown compelling us to settle for the known
  • There are 2 exercises for today: Love onself, love your partner
  • I will surely try the first exercise. After so many unexpected turns in my life I think I need it. I need to re-learn to love the new me. Me as I am. All 165 cms and 65 Kgs of me!
Really excited about day 3! :)


P.S.: The course is free, do join in if you want to make your own journey.