Need to please!

It is a menace, absolute and acute pandemic: the need to please everyone, always. There thousands of books written by many people, swearing on and professing about the art of saying NO! But it makes me wonder if anyone in the world, at least one among the sea of such authors actually practices it for oneself.  Is saying NO humanly possible?

One may think that I have let my mind run loose for my own muse. I have no concern for them; as they cannot see beyond the obvious. Everyone knows that what is blue is blue. There is no need for Einstein to verify the same. I am concerned about people who can see beyond the obvious and ponder about the fine print or even print it. For them I speak, they will hear me out and empathize with my words.

The art of saying NO, they say! Who are they is for you to figure out. I will give you a hint. They are notorious. They are like chameleons the blend into their surroundings. That makes them less obvious to untrained eyes. At times it happens to be oneself.

Humans are complex and intricate. They are like huge spiders, making their webs of confusion and mayhem. They do it in hopes of catching something good in their web. They want only 3 things to be caught in their web: love, money, knowledge (in any order).  Those who make stronger and denser a web hold a better chance or so they believe. If by fate their web is all destroyed, they start again tirelessly.

What does all this have to do with saying yes or no? It does, trust me. A reader must always have good faith on the writer. And it is the utmost duty of the writer to test that faith. Let me give you an example so you can see what I want you to. Imagine you are this famous movie star in the west. You are rich enough to buy a castle for yourself. You have fans all over the world who will chant your name day in and day out. But will you buy a castle? The answer is a unanimous YES. Fact is that things tie you down. They are like this seductive and single mindedly obsessed spouse. If begs and pleads for attention. You give it more that it deserves. It feels good to feel wanted. Thus we all fall prey to the yes. Most of you would say, “Yes, I will buy a castle! I deserve one!” But the fact is that it doesn’t deserve you, your attention, your love, your time and you as a whole.

I pity those who have stayed in the same city all their life. They are tied down by the Yes’s they said in the past. The promises they made to things and people. In that process they are decomposing as they live. Their minds are turning off in front of their own eyes.

“So should I say no to everything and become a saint?” an angered reader might ask. The answer is NO. Think wisely is what I am trying to say. Don’t say YES to things just because it will make your spouse/ children/ boss/ friend happy or because it makes your enemy/ arch rival/ someone you hate sad. Think well before you say YES; for every Yes is a fibre in that intricate web you spin. People think that thicker the better. A word of warning! “One day you might spin yourself into the web and become prey for another spider. Beware!”

Every resource is non-renewable. If you didn’t want to be a doctor, why did you apply? I too was prey to this madness. I didn’t have the guts to stand up and say no then. I wasted a B.Tech degree seat. I did put in my best, but not all that I can. Till date I am a decent engineer but never will I be an awesome one, because my heart didn’t lie there. I then took measures to undo that mistake. I figured out where my heart lies and I am walking towards it, an inch at a time. A wise man once told me that a mile must be walked with paces of one inch at a time. I was wondering if a mile was divisible into perfect inches. He read my mind, I guess. He said that multiple of an inch is a mile.

That wise man also told me that I must be like a coffee bean. Realize that my purpose of existence is to impart color, taste and aroma to the milk and once my work is done, I must vanish from existence. This great vanishing act is possible only when you are not tied down by the complex web of unnecessary YES you said. The only person you are destined to please is yourself. It is your life. Stand up for it. Live every moment, take a few risks, suffer a little pain, suck in the moments of ecstasy, bear the stench of all the junk you accumulated in your web and most important smile when the fate cleans up your web.

For ages, saints renounced material things in life. It is the way forward they said. They were partially right. Renounce that which you don’t want, it’s just clutter. Learn to travel light, speak softly to yourself, embrace your contradictions and forgive yourself.